Battling with blues.
I’m assessing if my being surly these days is due to my gloomy surroundings. I was drowned by my beau’s litany that his new bought shoes was taken by the flood and his mountain bike which he used for his exercise is now a relic of the deluge. I could imagine he’s bathing in tears, wailing and gnashing his teeth.It’s good that SMS forbade me of seeing him in his most embarrassing moment yet it didn’t stop me from retorting, Oh dear, be thankful you still have your feet! Maybe a little inspirational sarcasm would spice him up.
Anyhow, my sympathy goes to all the losers in Philippines. I mean, losers of the deluge. I know it’s not easy to start from scratch and build a nest again. However, filipinos are resilient people. Philippine history cobbled under our feet states that we are survivors. Our innate warrior character is rooted in our veins. Indeed deluge left us with tattered hopes and grief-stricken dreams but one has to stand and shake self off to dry.
National or personal crisis, we’re feeling it always. It’s not a singular thing when we are human. The only difference is how we face such storms in our life. I’m not belittling the passion of Ondoy and Pepeng just because I personally didn’t experience to swing Tarzan-like to a tree to save oneself of flash flood or because in my Southern Philippines area, we only usually experience terrorism, still I could relate to what all filipinos feel.
I think my work is also a great influence of my negativity. When my depressed, osteoporotic accident prone ( i have yet to figure if the accidents were intentional, pre-meditated or arranged by my mentally unbalanced yet clever )patient wanted to jump off the stairs during her physiotherapy session, I wanted to throw her myself. It’s just great that my logical, analytical neurons are still functioning in spite of the depletion of my emotional capabilities. I was still able to get hold of her before she smashes her powdery bone in the marbled floor.
A good friend of mine has locked herself in her fantasy world because no one remembered to greet her on her 40th birthday and she’s deeply hurt. She’s now wolfing her 20×20 inches, with 100,000 kcal. blue berry cheese cake alone in her room. I could say, it’s only a ‘happy birthday’ greeting that’s been forgotten but then I realised, hey! that’s not a thing to be sneered at. One kind word could warm three winter months. No wonder my friend is shivering in cold tears now.
In an attempt to kill boredom and avoid basking in negativity I lurked in farmville and farmtown. Clicking and dragging the mouse with my right hand while staring at the flashy monitor till my arms stiffened and eyes turned red and watery. This got me into thinking, is it my farming that’s causing me to feel blue as well? Emperical studies show that it’s better to use both hands to maximise functions of both parts of our brain. Since I’m not using my left hand, I’m not exercising my right brain that leads my emotions that causes me to feel like I’m doomed! And due to farming with my right hand, my left brain then is well-exercised that leads my logical thinking. Is this the reason why I’m trying to find logic of this nonsense?
Anyhow, in this distressing moment of mine, I ran to the rooftop again and gazed at my insatiable lover, the moon. I murmured the poem i love to linger in my thoughts. It goes..
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
Now I could say, wow! what a wonderful world.
