mY naKed Thoughts

One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you and you will do the wrong thing or nothing had happened and then you do something wrong, and for a moment afterward you will wish you done something different.

For instance, You didn’t actually plan of sleeping with him, did you? But the alcohol you drunk made you do the contrary. Adding insult to injury, you’re not sure if it’s your fertile glory days. So the nervous-giddy sort of feelings after the indulgent on stupidity are seem like, you wanna pee but you can’t and your spine is shivering and temple breaks in cold sweat then you’re filled with overwhelming regrets, you wanna hit you own head and say, damn! I should haven’t done it! 

For sometime I regretted some amiss behaviours I did. No, not the one written above though. I regretted nevertheless those things that I didn’t do in my life. Precisely, those words that were unsaid and deeds undone. So, I take time to be mushy now not to end this day too regretful to bear.

My brother wrote on his post, “We are a family of denial.” For me, it’s a misnomer, the denial wasn’t the inability to face unpleasant realities but we deny showing our love to each other. It’s not that we lack love, it’s just that we are not so soft-spoken to say “I love you” to each other. The only thing that merits in us is, when time gets rough, we have each other. My Ma & Pa, I know they’re hands off me already because as they said, I can never be driven by anyone but me. Yet, I still miss being pinched when I prattle too much. My siblings, my austere critics, I know it’s hard to follow what I say and ignore what I’d done. but hey! I’m not totally useless, you know. I can still serve as a bad example. My family, I love you and I actually want to hug and kiss you all. (yaiks! aren’t I too melodramatic?)

Second, I regret not being able to read bedtime stories to my kids. I know they’re music lovers. I hear all the music videos they forwarded. Im touch to know that they’re swayed by sentiments revealed visibly in the lyrics of their fave songs. I sing melodies with them in spite of my being tone deaf. However, I can’t figure a way of reading stories to them before sleep because of time zone differences. That made me feel helpless. sigh!

Third, I regret that I don’t know how to swim. I finished my Disaster Nursing course courtesy of a classmate who pulled my hair up so I will not drown myself and be the lifesaver not the patient. I hardly remember who that classmate was. Anyhow, she saved me. Thanks!

Fourth, I apologize all the caustic remarks I made obliviously or consciously. I just realized, i’m always defining my mediocrity whenever I stoop on something that I don’t agree about. Besides, isn’t it a useless effort to argue with someone who’s ideas you don’t even respect? 

Lastly, It saddens me thinking that I only get to know great people online and not being able to see them personally. Friends who found time reading my nonsensical posts. With people’s smart mind’s view around me, thanks for expanding my vision. 

Indeed, I have regrets. The list is long, short attention span reader maybe bored so I named few. Though, it’s not the end of the road  yet, I’m taking my time acknowledging them now. Who knows, I won’t be having regrets anymore instead I’ll have something to be grateful about.