Solitude
Sometimes I wonder if living in solitary existence is an anathema or a bliss. To see just a sole compatriot in this far away Kingdom 3x/ week ( the PT) and virtual meeting of friends is a poignant reality that I am indeed literally alone.
I just recently pored into books. My nearest newly found companion who always talked to me mutely in myriad languages and yes, the mind-blowing Internet. Yet, before I met ‘them’ I usually just sat alone in endless hours talking to myself, thinking. I just now realised it was meditating. Cleansing my cornea’s tinted mirror and change it with rose-colored perception.
Aloneness ferreted me day by day. But then, I found myself. I guess, I can utter now, I’m good being alone. I remember feeling elated on discovering things I didn’t know I have and be grateful about. I wrote everything passionately in my journal regardless of how crooked my grammar is. I felt the burning flame of my words, inked clearly what I felt at the precise moment. I rationalised that pausing is giving my heart a rest. It was effective in combating forlornness and wound up effulgent.
Now, I see the odds and ends of the outside world in books and internet. My hunger to correct the errors of my writings, my dealings with my virtual friends and coping with the fast paced-internet. I am grateful of their presence. I’m happy to be barraged with mails from friends. Time now flies like a spinning hub of the universe. It’s like breathing. It passes without my knowing.
However, there’s something I miss so much. The spending of my time in stillness. It had helped me mirror things visibly as clear as in still waters. With it, I heard the deafening silence. I’m emancipated on my inexorable wall. I can soar high, dive deep. Nothing fetters me.
I miss the solitude of self.
I miss the joy it brings.
Anonymous said,
thAmerica/Los_Angelesp31America/Los_Angeles07bAmerica/Los_AngelesSun, 12 Jul 2009 12:45:26 -0700 4,2008 @ 3:30 p07
That’s what we call happiness in solitude! We had that topic when we had a retreat (when I was still in Urios) last year. Recently, I was assigned in Kamaishi City for a duration of one month. It’s an Inaka (a province) approx. 500km from Tokyo. After work, I just stayed in my room, watching DVD but without internet for a month. I was getting emotional and so I started writing, finding happiness by simply remembering and examining my very wonderful experiences…
rhea said,
thAmerica/Los_Angelesp31America/Los_Angeles07bAmerica/Los_AngelesSun, 12 Jul 2009 13:39:38 -0700 4,2008 @ 3:30 p07
hmm…defeaning??wala man na sa dicti0nary,hahaha!!!
deafening cgur0..
balowen said,
thAmerica/Los_Angelesp31America/Los_Angeles07bAmerica/Los_AngelesSun, 12 Jul 2009 16:12:52 -0700 4,2008 @ 3:30 p07
TO Mr Anonymous, Humpydumpy Yel,
I’m glad u have felt the emotions i had experienced. I read from a friend’s post the difference of happiness and Joy. lemme quote Ms.Mira’s words( permission Mirs!), one can be happy with internal tears and one can cry externally with joy… and I guess solitude really brings infinite joy.
TO RHEA/BAYANG/My sister
hahaha! pasagdi nalang na, typographical error ra na oi, kalimot ko spell checker.
iva said,
thAmerica/Los_Angelesp31America/Los_Angeles07bAmerica/Los_AngelesSun, 19 Jul 2009 11:04:49 -0700 4,2008 @ 3:30 p07
dear owen,
it’s good to know u can enjoy being ‘alone’ in saudi..:)
that’s tough..
balowen said,
thAmerica/Los_Angelesp31America/Los_Angeles07bAmerica/Los_AngelesSun, 19 Jul 2009 16:38:35 -0700 4,2008 @ 3:30 p07
tnx iv.. better be alone than be with mediocre, simple minded saudis.