mY naKed Thoughts

        ” Mama! Mama!”  with sonorous sounds that will cause tinnitus on ears, one may think it’s a battle cry. But, nope! It’s just my kids voice calling me like they have no other person they can call onto. Indeed, they only have me. Me and them and the world. I have always prided myself with my independence and equanimity. Haughty, you may say but I believed I owe this to myself. Reiterating my words again about single moms is due to the blog I’ve stumbled a while ago. 

I read a lot of single mom’s rantings about their laboring alone for their kids. Deprived by their husband’s child supports. Their wrathful candidness towards their old flames are visible, it snapped my synapses, it affects me. Every word I sensed their seething resentment to the person whom once they shared their bed with.

It’s hypocrisy if I’ll write mirthful words about the father of my kids and It’s unfair as well to broadcast his atrocity.  Everything takes two to tango. We can’t point our fingers to them and save our asses. Bottomline is, we had issues and the relationship didn’t work out. Let’s not make the kids as the casualty of our own personal war. If we have regrets of the past, it’s should only be the time that we wasted.

It always cost me a limb fighting against my family, keeping their mouth shut about what they feel about my kids’ father just so my kids won’t be hurt hearing negative words about their father and hopefully it will pay off soon. When we set aside our personal issues and help our children deal theirs they will soon realise that their mother has acted grace and decency inspite of inner turmoil she’s experiencing and is trying to make every thing easy to them.

Other than the fact that fathers should be supporting their kids, I am also aware that it’s fighting for child’s rights to get what the’yre entitled to when a mother ask for a child’s support. However, call it pride. Yes I guess it is. I didn’t ask anything from their father or help from anyone because I acknowledge the downside of asking it-  it’s dependence.

When you rely on your own and recognizes that the only help you could find is at the end of your other arm, empowering feeling will emerge. No more drama of blaming and whining and complaining. Less expectations, lesser disappoinments.  We only have ourselves to motivate, to push through our limits, to blame and be sorry when things get wrong.

If fathers are not having their share of labor rearing their kids, It’s not your problem at all. It’s their failure. No matter what we do, we can’t force our exes to be involved if they don’t want to. We are just making our kids feel rejected by their fathers if we insist on things. Your responsibility is yourself. Whether  your a single mom or not, part of developing one self is making our back strong to anything heavy laden on our shoulders.

Like the greek titan Atlas, we all carry our own burden. A world to conquer and our children encompass it.