mY naKed Thoughts

Since five days ago I’ve been receiving everyday greetings ” Happy Mother’s Day” from my boys that made me wonder when the hell is actually the mother’s day? Finally It’s today.

I can’t help but chuckle reminiscing how my unruly boys warm my heart. There were laughters and tears. I remember, one of the alibi I used when I try to ask their permission that I’d like to tie the knot (hypothetical marriage only, cause everyday I dread the presence of few grey hairs near my temple and my shiny headed beau, they seemed glaring at me with words “we need to get married because we’re now antiques!” ) because I’d like to have a daughter to take care of me when I aged. Paolo, my eldest answered me back ” Kami diay dili namo na kaya?”  How about us, aren’t we capable of doing that? somehow I think he inherited my convincing powers I had pushing drugs to doctors when I was still a medical representative.

My first try unnerved them. I utilized another technique which I’d mulled carefully. I recall explaining the logic of Woman needs Man business. Family in general and couple in particular that there should be a wife and a husband. My wise-ass paolo again snapped me off saying ” Mama, can I be your husband? ” I laughed my heart out that I can’t stop broadcasting it to their tita’s and tito.  He was ashamed and did not  talk to me that whole afternoon.

Sometimes the simplicity and sincerity of their words hit me with a twinge of guilt. When Joshua my youngest son told me ,” Mama, dili ka malooy nako mularga naka wala pa ko naayo chicken pox?” Mama, don’t you pity me, You’re leaving, I still have chicken pox?” I felt I was losing my strength. I hugged josh crushing him in my arms deforming the chicken pox crusts on his skin.

When I started serving my two year contract/sentence again in my cell here in Saudi, they kept on sending SMS to my roaming ordering me to cancel my remittance so I can save money and that I can be with them the soonest time possible and so we can kiss and hug all the time (that’s according to them ). They even threatened me that if I’ll be stubborn enough not to follow their order, they will not text me anymore.

In my past posts, I always said I wasted almost a decade performing insanity in my old world. The only compliment I got are my kids. They’re my trophies in all my failures. Though I still have little regrets on myself, I thank God for giving them to me. Paolo and Joshua gave me my self back. They taught me that to be a Mother I should be a Woman first and to be a woman essentially I should require myself more to have love and be treated with respect. Besides how can I love them if I don’t love myself? How can I give something I don’t have?

Let’s celebrate motherhood.

Happy Mother’s day to all Moms!