mY naKed Thoughts

It’s like I stepped a landmine. Whether I’ll remove my foot or not, reality of the past of not-so-nice-matter to- tackle with will explode on my face soon or sooner than I expected. It pays off of not revealing YET all my vulnerability. Though I believed, to not screw up your future we have to be open and friendly with our past. I found it hard to abide. I’ve been running exhausted away from my past since ages but friendster made things too easy that if profiles have hands, I’ve been slapped by reality left and right. In a second, I was taken aback, fight or flight response? undecided to face it or not. But I wound up thinking, what the heck! lay all your cards on the table lady, come out clean and get on with your life!

I saw the profiles of the stepsiblings of my boys viewing mine. My profile that spoke honesty in my blog posts about myself and reveals pictures of my beau. Needlessly say, their father saw it as well and maybe reading this now with seething emotion or disdain or ironically maybe happy that I’ve found a human companion now. Anyhow, I don’t care what he thinks. Maybe this can be a medium of our communication, hopefully a sober one.

 My pictures boldly say I’m not sagging the middle of my mouth now but I’m lifting it’s corners. , in short, I am happy. That sole image was not me four years ago since I was using pain as leverage from the pit I was stuck into. I still hate myself sometimes for the precious time I’d wasted, for being self-destructive. I wasn’t aware that human needs brain to function properly and competitively now I realized all life needs are just charm and common sense. I was always acting out of an impetus, on what I feel at that moment.

Just a click, it’s all at the tip of my middle finger. I disclosed my boys stepsisters’ profile linking me to another two more profiles of their stepbrothers and more extended family’s of their father side. It’s like opening a flood gate. River of truth flows.

The truth that our past programs our future yet it depends on our personal rhetoric on how we perceive certain things when it happened in our life. This is what I perceived on mine. I have to know and acknowledge my history so I can walk out of it. An openness of heart, a closure of the past will change all things. For the nextdays that will follow, I’m expecting more friends request.

Truth shall set us free.

Now, I am free.