mY naKed Thoughts

Let me count the ways

            Once a friend commented  “u people must have so much time to write such things like blogs…” this is actually his precise words. And this has drifted me to a total assessment of what I am and what are We People? 

First, my narcissistic views on that is, I blog to blagh!! as in kablagh!! or I just want to blah! blah!!  To define that properly, to make sounds (I have a bit nuisance character) or I blog because I want to cause waves. (do i sounds im having KSP syndrome  or lacking of attention bah? hehe!)  We can’t push the elephant so i may suggest a hoax to coax perverse people on the right track. The hoax is my blog. Haughty statement?  It’s actually like this. I believe, we can’t live long enough to experience and  learn all the mistakes and insanity of the world. My blog might be (hopefully) the medium of their unexperienced mistakes yet lessons learned. And I may suggest that you get the lessons I’ve learned in life too, that will be your clever move. The lessons are just simply sum up like this country song  I love must  “…I’ve been screwed, sued and tattooed, and I’m still standin’ here in front of you..”  meaning, No matter how life bruised you, the important is- one should stand and keep still.

Second, I love reading inspirational messages. in fact, it has been like bathing to me. I can’t live without it. Bathing as in scrubbing, taking the dirts off our weary, filthy spirit. The effects of bathing literally and my bathing of spirtual inspirational messages energize me.  I’ve read long time ago, “ Four virtues a person needs in order to be safe and happy in life : Intelligence, Friendship, Strength and Poetry. This is the reason why I blog also. Poetry gives fire to spirit, the source of my strength. I don’t know how to write poems because i’m not a Poet like my friend Glens. I don’t even have an impeccable english grammar like my friend Tale..  or write a poetic drama oozing with love like Cin. However, writing or venting what I feel in a rhapsody manner though  without music, made me feel I’ve reached the inner side of me. As if I’m looking at myself as me on the old vanishing picture and compared it to the latest image of me on the mirror. Therefore, writing made me deeply assess my self concept. What I was and what I am today.

Third, ” I blog therefore I am equal to You ” As my friend Dr. Mel states, Blog is a great social equalizer. Whether you are an Indiot (foolish or stupid), Ita (native) or an Idol(celebrity) or an Idiot, Ita Idol? Still we are equal. We communicate, we express ourselves. The title of this post is actually stolen from him.  If you wanna read critical, funny, sensible, entertaining and really informative blogs, You can visit his site http://thephilippinedailyidiot.blogspot.com .

If you’ll agree with me that the blogs of this site are interesting, you can further read more at http://www.theblogawardchallenge.com/2008/05/blog-challenge-7-entries-vote-for-your.html 

Lastly if my reasons still ain’t suffice the title-question, I need reinforcement then. Paging Dr. Mel!!

Post script:

I was thinking maybe the “People” referred by my friend are those who are called as certified bloggers? Those who write and earn from their scribes. Those who blog with critical, commonsensical, rational, and logical thinking. Because the label has a huge different to those who only want to blog. I don’t even consider myself as a blogger per se. In as much as, not all people who write can be labelled as Writers or Authors. I can write or blog a long list of my rantings and whinings and I can write as well a long list of my ”pasalubong ” to buy when i’ll get home.  Even so, that won’t label me as a Writer, an Author, or a certified Blogger. 

I think I’ll better ask my friend with what he meant with “the People” word.

I’m counting the days. Thirty-eight days more, im off to go. Masalam Saudi! Finally I can go out with friends soon even with a male companion without any muttawa (religious police) tailing and reprimanding us women to cover our hair and investigating our iqama (identification) if the man with us is a family or just a friend.

I remember a male friend way back Al Khobar days. He is with his GF in a Caf’e. Talking while having coffee. Suddenly a police came and arrested them for being together. One thing forbidden in the kingdom is not to go out with a male companion especially if he has a different surname. 

This is actually not the issue on working abroad. That is just a drop in the ocean. The real problem an overseas worker will encounter is how to handle one’s thoughts and emotions in a functional way.

When you are working away from home, your senses will be filled with emotions such as boredom, loneliness, longingness, and depression. These are not just mere words. These will rock your sanity and shove your real identity in a distant memory. You might be manipulated, brainwashed and indoctrinated by people who has the authority over you. You will no longer in control with the situation unless you know how to use your rights and stand with it. These are the reasons why the psychological examination in Philippines of going abroad is recently updated, and made more rigid because Philippines no longer want to repatriate overseas workers who’d left their sanity in the country they’ve worked with, worst.. some even their lives.

This is a sad reality. Philippines is a country overflowing with manpower. It’s people’s skills and abilities were denied and not utilized because they were underated, devaluated and unappreciated in Philippines. That’s why Pinoy’s were forced to go and slave abroad leaving their loved ones. Such mistakes of governing the country can’t be pointed to one person only.

I remember reading an article where Philippines once a progressive country. Was the second richest country in Asia after Japan. The reason why chinese migrated to Philippines, and why Philippines now is ruled by chinese businessmen. The rich history of Philippine democracy and independence cobbled under our feet are no longer remembered not even served its purpose. We are still crawling, groveling for help from other countries. Sending the brightest people abroad, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc.  Professionals and businessmen even migrated to other country because they no longer have the confidence living in their own country.

I just wonder, will it be safe for me to go home and not work abroad again?  Is it a wise decision to take chance and live in my country again? or will I just swallow my pride again working with people not even thesame smell of my breath?  be a second-citizen, the under dog, the yes-yes-yo slave…

I just wonder, will I survive in Philippines? Me? Of course! I’m aware that to survive in a country governed by not-so-altruistic people with inept leadership, I should foremost take responsibility of my subsistence. I just need some jack-up you know.

I have to make my own bones. So, help me God..

I’ve utilized all my collective knowledge and skills just to comprehend what these three women are trying to insinuate. Still, to no avail. Probably because the problem is, I’m just a normal person..

It’s our scheduled Doctor’s visit again. My health team came in full force with me, the old woman, old maid and the maid. I had readied myself already but at last minute I decided to spray perfume hastily all through my abaya and tarha. Then I went straight to the car to join the women. When I open the car door, i feel something was wrong. Their faces portray the opposite of mine. I was grinning and they were grimacing. The car seems instantly filled with miasma, I sense a dangerous foreboding. They look at me like I’ve done the most forbidden sin in the Kingdom- “Thou shall not covet thy Madam’s husband.”

” what happened? ” i said.

The Old Maid answers ” We are going to hospital, Why did you put perfume?”

 ….what the heck! as if I’m not the one who made the appointment, but that wasn’t the issue. I managed to voice out my mind properly. ” I know we’re going to hospital, so what’s wrong with the perfume?” I answered dumbfounded.

The Old woman interrupted with sarcasm, as always ” How dare you shower with perfume?! Are you not ashamed walking in the hallway with sick people around and you smells like a blooming flower?”

 …I understand I’m always the shock absorber of her life’s angst and so I’m used to looking at her almost wants-to-eat-the whole-me face. I just ignored her and aswered sheepishly with a low voice ” We’re going in the Out-Patient department only.”

The Old maid answered ” We are with a male Doctor today, don’t you know that if men see your bare hands and feet they will think you are an easy woman? What more if you’ll put perfume’s on? They will think you’re flirting with them!

… huh! i wanna answer her.. ” with just a perfume? I’m not  flirting yet!…but no, i kept my mouth shut.

The maid who sat at the back of the car murmured, enough that  that everyone could hear her grandstanding. ” That’s why I didnt put on musk..”

This conversation had left me looking idiotic standing near the car’s door chastened for putting on perfume. Apprehensive to proceed inside or go back in the house and take a bath.

Don’t you think I’m too cruel to myself being in this sinless city and for allowing myself to work with these people?

I always tell my kids to drink milk even they don’t like it. My vision of them healthy and strong can be achieved by taking a glass of milk everyday. It’s so ironic that they got a message from me telling them to stop drinking milk. 

It gives me goosebumps, scares the hell out of me reading BFAD warning to stop buying milk products from China. You may say, I’m just exaggerating to totally diminish my kids intake of milk. I always freak out if my kids safety are at stake. Can you blame anyone especially a parent, or a starbucks lover ( because obviously milk supplies of starbucks came from china) making fuss, getting paranoid of drinking the ever was healthy high protein milk?  Thousands of people are sick and babies died! will you still take chance to enjoy sipping your coffe with milk? ravishing the ice cream? or savor the taste of a strawberry  flavored yoghurt?

These cold-blooded companies are treating us like white mice for expirement! Putting our healthy lives in peril. Waiting for our reactions. If we will die or be hospitalized. Then they would stop expirementing how to cost cut at our expense. We’ve put our trust on them and they have fooled us. We are like taking vitamins oblivious that it was a poison., or going to a Medical Doctor for help and found out we are with a quack doctor. Such inept companies!

These 18 ruthless chinese companies have to drink all their products bottomless along with their family. We’ll see how they would react on it.  They are ego-centric people thinking only of their own profit even putting people at risk. They should be hanged to death in the gallows or be placed in a guillotine! Knowing that they had practiced this scam long time ago and yet they managed to keep it silent for the company’s benefit.

They are no better than those corrupt politicians who milked people’s wealth and them rendered spoiled milk corrupting peoples health. 

Everything has a price. From the air we breath to the water we drink, We paY. There’s no argument on that. That’s why it didn’t come to me as so shocking when I got the Insider News.. 

STUDENT AUCTIONS VIRGINITY SPARKS ONLINE DEBATE.

A student 22 y.o woman, from San Diego, California, who is using the pseudonym Natalie Dylan  is publicly auctioning her virginity to pay for her college education. The online auction site eBay turned her down so the auction will take place at a Nevada brothel, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, where her sister is working to pay off her college debts. She is hoping the bidding will hit $1M ….

An ordinary issue. The only  extra-ordinary on this is.. It is publicly auctioned. The woman is promoting it so heavily that it stirred moral and  social issues. Infact we have heard about Cherry-popping stories  long time ago, some kind of prostitution but no single soul reacted on it because it was  practiced discretely.

I wonder, Will there be a man willing to pay $1M for a virginity?  If i am a bidder, One thing I would look to the “stuff” i’m gonna buy is the quality. If the capital goods is the “Virginity”  then I want to know how the seller defines virginity? 

Does she define it as never had a sexual intercourse? But what about if there’s an absence of intercourse, no penetration indeed but had engaged in sexual malicious act like oral sex?

Does she define it as having an intact hymen? but not all girls are born with hymens.  How would I know if this woman had undergone  Hymenorrhaphy or hymen reconstruction surgery? 

Does she think when a vagina not penetrated sexually is considered a virgin? But what about anal Sex? Will she count that as still a virgin?

Furthermore,  Is sexual innocence a state of virginity? then I’d say being chaste is a virgin also . Chastity views sexual integrity in terms of faithfulness to a spouse rather than as absolute inexperience. Does the buyer prefers internal virgin rather than a technical virgin?

Natalie Dylan maybe thought that rather than spoiling her virginity at the back of the car with just some kind of a moron, broke BF, She might as well hit 2 birds in one stone. Earn and enjoy.

I look at this auction thing as totally absurd!  We can all be a capitalist using our skills and capabilities with our hands and head. How will you expect to have an educated, cultured self when from the start you never did use your functional ability to have your education? Why doesn’t she just value her virginity not with a staggering amount of $1M but with a self-respect and sensibility? I’m sure she’ll still hit it big time with a good husband who will not just support her studies, pays off her virginity but gives her dignity and treat her as person as well and not just a consumer goods.

Gosh! who believes being rational can give proper answers to  all things?  Please raise my hand again.!!

Life is crazy..huh!

“Oh,  baby! you are my magnet and I am your steel! Bring to me your leather, take from me my lace..”

 it’s raining again..

…after 2yrs of celibacy calling out my own name in my bed-built-for-one, expressing togetherness  alone, it’s kinda unsatisfying that it will only makes me feel worse in the end. Exclamation failed.

Why the only thing constant in this world is change?  Once you were a hot chick now you’re a frigid freak?! Was it my fault  to try to be an internal virgin? hehe!  or … is it just a rightful choice to see a man thru his heart not thru his pants?

Seduction speaks a lot of words. When a woman smiles, gaze, giggles, lick lips and aided and abetted by the wearing of high heels; then sways  back, forces buttock to tilt out and up and then thrust chest forward.. it signals a come on.  oh! those were just pretty easy play. To add more, a flirty mood, a witty hot remarks. That will knock the men off their feet!

Then, passion makes it worst. The burning touch, the woman’s breath..  sure, fire will be inflamed!  However, chastity and safety calmed them all.  The impetus that kept me still is this:  To actually have sex, one must not only be inlove but also in full legal possession of the other party’s medical records. Hold in your mind a vivid picture of a genital wart. (The Internet provides plenty, and I’ll tell you, they’re the opposite of pornographic.) Superimpose this image over the dashing smile of that cute guy you met. This should give you pause—a pause you can use to investigate whether the dashing smile is backed up by kindness, humor, honesty, and other qualities you probably want in a mate.

The advantage of this approach is that,  what you miss in casual thrills, you gain in long-term compatibility…  and i guess this will serve enough to pay my unsatisfaction of being alone for a longer period of time.

It’s been almost a month and all I could say to my impatiently waiting Boss about my contract renewal is.. ” I don’t know ” My keen intuitive power which i’d developed is useless! I’m still stuck on this dilemma. These ambivalent feelings towards my work has been making me anxious and stagnant. I’ve been talking to myself again lately hoping that i’ll get some  omen or at least an innuendo that says “Hey! don’t be chickened out, you will not screw-up with this, try this approach…”

My ID has been telling me to go home and spend time with my kids, have some fun with family and friends. Travel, be struck again with selfishness like what I did  when  I went to Singapore and  Dubai.

…. But then my EGO knocked my head off by saying.. hello?! Have you forgotten you have a ton of responsibility on your shoulder? Kids are getting bigger and so everything in Philippine’s goods are in rocketing prices. You can’t just dawdle around or sit on your butt doing nothing. It’s a shame to be a bum your age! You need to earn , you’re not used to rely to others, right? You need money of your own, everyone needs it to keep life’s rolling. Though i understand u’re just human, needs to be happy in life. You can do what you want. Forget what i’ve said.

My ID retorted, ” Oh! maybe I better peddle my ass if only the sole reason of my working is to earn money. Yeah! I deserve to be happy with my job.. and can’t you see? I’m not happy! I haven’t even seen myself smiling these past days. It’s hard to talk with a psychiatric depressed patient everyday.. huh! 

My SUPER-EGO came to rescue my sanity. Hey! Owen, I thought you have been reading books on valuing oneself? That above all things, what matters is yourself. Where are those practical approaches you practiced answering on the book? That you have to define your authentic self? Declutter life? Doing what makes life fulfilled internally? Are all those just mental masturbation? You have to decide and apply pragmatism in real life.. here’s a hint–

” If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.”-Jonathan Winters.

…Huh! I think I’m killing myself slowly with these rhetorics… i might as well eat my dessert first.

I stared at the zenith, there’s no moon tonight. Only stars and an image of a lizard coming towards my way with it’s sounds booming through my ears. Airplanes at different hours of the day is a usual scene in the kingdom. The air is humid, I hate the greasy feelings it brought on my senses. I remember thesame smell of the air when I was staying at my cousin’s house in Tondo, Manila. I like the people in Tondo, though they’re not nice at least they’re real, not wearing social masks.

It’s 4:45 am now, the sound of the Salah Fijr filled the entire City. It signals the people to wake-up. In a moment, Men are thronging all the streets towards one direction- Mosque.

Today is the 2nd day of Ramadan. Everyone is feeling pious and ethreal. Everybody had greeted me and asked how am I. Everyone in the house is fasting. They abstained on food, drink and sex until the sun sets. Unlike me, I eat day and night. Shameless to the people around me who are starving to death. My friend Ren even asked me for he usually caught me eating chocolates while chatting- “Aren’t you monitoring your weight?” I answered him with a grin- “nah! only if my face resembles a platter, then I would be concerned of my weight.” About the fasting on sex, oh! I’m still suffering from EAS or Extended Abstinence Syndrome.

Seriously, the spirit of Ramadan have a positive impact to all the people in Saudi. People are nice and friendly. Positive even to non-Muslims because  Eid is coming- meaning bonus will be given.:) Arabs are well known of their generosity especially during Ramadan.

Sometimes I wonder, what if every man on every family in the Philippines is religious or spiritually inclined, will there be a difference in my country now? I had read before, A man devoid of religion is like a horse without a briddle. I wonder more, Does religion really can save a person? as what every existing religion on earth claimed or Is there really a God? (now, this sounds disturbing)

When I first met a self-proclaimed Atheist friend, He bluntly stated, He doesn’t believe there’s God. I was appalled with what he said. But then, people are entitled with their own opinion and so I respected his belief. However, I couldn’t help asking, “Don’t you have faith?”

On my naive mentality about spirituality and religion, I choose to be spiritual than to follow any religious practice and prudence. When you are in a community of only single belief is practiced, you will eventually be confounded of your own beliefs. Some are even pressured of converting their religion so they can avail all the immunity or favors of being one of them. Sticking on my faith is like basking in the sun. Heat of the sun that I can’t avoid. Though it had warmed my skin but only until there, superficial.. It never penetrated through all my system.

I actually don’t know what is my religion. I have been indoctrinated  by several methodical sects long time ago however I don’t feel I’m like a horse without a briddle because I feel I have faith. I believe there’s a Supreme Being. Whoever He or She is, I believed a Divine power is there whether He/She is in universe or within us. I believed there is God, and my God resides on me and my God taught me to be human and act humane .

Whenever I received an invite of hearing any talks about religion which is a very common happening to filipinos here, I would always quote to them the words I stole from Abraham Lincoln—

“When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion”

….and you see, its damn effective!