mY naKed Thoughts

” I’m giving you an out, You thought you were dying and i was saving your life and well, you know, it was so… We can’t get married. I mean, that would be insane. We should date, and have sex, plenty of sex. You know, when your heart gets better, and you’re out of the hospital, all the sex you can handle, but marriage is, um.. marriage? “

“Stupid! How come sex isn’t a big deal and marriage is?” she said.

I stared at her, rolled my eyes, raised my eyebrow and watched again Dr.Izzie talking on Grey’s Anatomy  ..tried not to show interest on what she said.

To my dismay, she continued nagging. ” i can’t understand these people? Not afraid of having sex, and yet afraid of accepting a marriage proposal? Stupid! stupid! That’s why they got AIDS for sleeping with different men without marriage.”

Again, she got no response. My silence means she was right. Actually, she’s partly right, but i can’t influence her with my liberal thinking you know.  I had two kids Paolo and Josh from a long time partner and  we didn’t work out.. and now, yes, i’m afraid of marriage too, afraid in a sense.. well, i think everyone would agree if i’ll say it’s easier to indulge in a responsible sex than to be responsible in marriage. I’m sure she can’t comprehend this thing if i’ll reply her nagging. She’ll freak out!

..and so i stuck my eyes on TV as if i heard nothing.

and her blah! blah! continues… People are like that when they don’t have the true religion. They’re lost! they’re wasted!

That’s it! this isn’t a battle of personality and beliefs differences anymore. Her pre-judice to other religion is tickling my ears again!

I turned to her and answered.. Well, you now.. There are things unacceptable to you and yet it happens to society for different reasons. There are things normal to you too and yet ridiculous to us! I can’t imagine my parents posting my name on a matrimonial ad …” 20yo.female5″3′, 120lbs , slender, white complexion works in a computer comp..  looking for a husband 30-35 y.o educated, established, single( because men from them can marry four times as long as he can take care of them all) shocks! it’s like my parents are marketing me!! yes! this is true. Everytime i scan an arabic newspaper i saw these matrimonial ads.

..added to that, if I found someone to marry me, i can’t live with three other wives on one roof! My husband will jump to everyone’s bed at night or any scheduled night right after another?  that’s insane to me! And yet, that’s acceptable to you right? Throwing the question back to her.

and she didn’t answer me..  Well, so much for judging people.

Hail the sinners baby!

She was pale in spite of her lovely make-up. Seems trembling, un-easy while gripping the chair she sat on. She was biting her lip out of fear? shame?… and yet she was smiling to her spectators. She’s the woman on the hot seat, being grilled in the show  ‘Moment of Truth” The question goes.. “Was there a time you were being paid for sex?”  She can’t deny because a lie detector machine was being installed on her. She had her polygraphic exam awhile ago. Great, if she’s truthfully not a comfort woman. She can answer NO. However, what if she was actually being paid for sex? Can she answer Yes in front of the millions of televiewers? Can you face people’s scrutinizing looks, condemning sneer, and judging words?

An old adage states.. Truth shall set us free. Freedom, peace, contentment.. such a warm feeling. But why people don’t settle on truth? Why its very hard to concoct truth and yet very easy to spread lies?

We heard several alibis justifying why the need to lie.To name few..

“…It’s just a white lie,not a big deal anyway!

“What you don’t know won’t hurt you” …. 

“You’re in a need to know basis. “….

” because you cant handle the truth, i’m saving you from misery”.

and the famous, “Oh! i forgot to tell you.”

Whatever the reason, the truth is, We lie because we’re afraid to face the truth especially if it involves the interest of our loved ones. We lie because truth hurts. We lie because we don’t want to know who we are and what we are not.We deny the truth to other people and to ourselves. We don’t even realise that when we lie to ourselves- we lie the loudest. We forgot who we are. We are bound to be imprisoned to lies. For one lie comes another one to cover the previous one. Being insincere is an exhausting job. Our heart beats fast, pulse pound, pupils dilated..etc.. It will be a never ending chain of lie, it only ends when one finds the courage to face the truth.

However, no one is perfect. Everyone lied.. everyone is a liar. From white lie to half lie to whole lie. Still, it’s a lie. Does it mean we all go to hell because we are all liars? Geez! Satan should extend his territory to accommodate all of us!

Fortunately, we have our superego telling us how we can break these chain of lies. Realizing that we err because we’re just human… We have our ticket now to commit lies. However, there’s no excuse for us to be a responsible human and that we should be aware of our actions and take ownership of our mistakes ergo there’s no need for us to lie. There will be No truth to be ashamed of. No skeletons to hide in the closet. No dirty laundry to clean and No one will be hurt. That is how Truth sets us free.

Truth speed.