mY naKed Thoughts

The force is so strong. Even in dreams it haunts me. My flesh is agonizing, craving for something im restricted to have. The urge seems inevitable.The feeling is so hot like flame burning my whole being. I’m perspiring even the AC is on its full blow. My mind is wandering elsewhere. God! why lust is one of the heaviest thing on earth?

Are there people outhere who can relate to this? or maybe disgusted why the such vulgarity? Filipino women were taught to be discreet, prim and proper. And here i am, discussing about L-u-s-t.  I should instead reprimand myself than trying to find a harmless, productive way of expressing this normal feeling due to extended abstinence without breaking my vow of celibacy. But why  the shame of talking about it? We are all sexual human beings. Problem comes only when things goes out of way.

My 36yo, single,female  boss who never had any intimate relationship with an opposite sex (coz their religion restricts her) once asked me, with a smug on her face.. How did u know that this woman is looking for a husband? (referring to her 20 y.o niece) I told her, there’s always a key in every lock. Even Adam is looking for his partner. Why not us women, find our partners too?  Each human has their own biological needs. It’s not a shame to acknowledge it. As long as your way of expression doesn’t make you feel guilty as a woman, as a person. I always believe that everytime we don’t follow our inner guidance, we feel a loss of energy, loss of power, A sense of spiritual dreadness.

May each of us, have the strength to acknowledge our weakness and courageous enough to stand with the morals we’ve learned in life.

In this fast advanced world, this tiny thing called Webcam(WC) made me grrr!@#!! for a moment. Everytime a chatmate asks if i could possibly flaunt my face on cam.. my ears turns red! Not that i’m excited revealing my naked face.. Not that i’m flattered because a stranger was interested of knowing me. It’s because.. i do not have a WC! hmmp! and because i don’t have it, this supposedly possible opening salvo of a great friendship is closed! A bye-bye! will then follow.

I once bumped an interesting man in the chat room… I.d James_bond007 ( if u’re not pretty,don’t try checking him)  again his asking for my webcam. Why?  because he said he’s looking for beautiful women to chat with. He said, He’s fascinated looking at beautiful faces..and WC can’t hide anything. To quote his words more, being with them is such an exciting moment. Ugly one’s are boring to be with! Huh! such a statement! (look who’s talking..duh!) Anyway, back to WC..  How can i prove im beautiful too if i don’t have a webcam? LOL! (conceit mode) and my pictures ain’t so revealing to be considered as good enough to meet his qualifications. Even so, pictures aren’t credible! I’ll send KC Concepcion’s photo maybe instead of mine…  or i better change my ASL to Female,19 y.o virgin from US. Innocent, beautiful young lady. How’s that?  will that be good enough? Geez! where’s Owen on that description? LOL!

However, after a moment of temporary insanity (again)..  I’ve realized, Insincerity and charm indeed can deceive people… and being a real person as i always claimed and strived hard to be. I’ve decided to accept the fact that this thing won’t work out. Faces are just masks. A lot of people has been telling that eyes are the windows of your soul. Because one can’t hide what is in their heart.. eyes just showed it off.  Seeing the person on cam won’t signaled.. Hey! this is the real me! As you see, i’m not a gay.. and then  we can have this thinking that i have the power to tell whatever i want them to think about me because the’ve seen me and that they’ll believe me now.

Being just You is difficult. It’s the foremost responsibility you have for yourself as well as to others. People might love or hate you.. welcome or condemn you. At the end of the day, what people think about you aren’t your business at all. If they show interest just because of the personality and character you have and not because of the face you got..  that’s indeed great!

Staring at the stars (again), i just wish more people will see with their own eyes and will feel with their own heart as well. It’s not the pretty face you wear that matters.. It’s the beautiful person within you.. You don’t need a webcam for that.